Or should that be stoned. Whatever as we approached the fine viallge of Barbadelo, Si decided to ignore the Yellow arrows, normally, a perilous thing to do.
Luckily for Si, he walks with a dwarf, who can only manage 10m to his 20m, which as a result means the Drawf Al shouts, “hoi ya big lummocks” (is that the correct spelling) yer marching aff in the wrang direction, again. (I´m never one to let a little mistake go by quietly am I.)
To be fair, the bitching sessions about how fast he can walk and how fast Al cannae are merely a side show to how many items we , sorry he, can lose. The best is still the scissors. His pride and joy went missing in a hotel room one day. I said, “plus ca change, cést la memechose”, which he reminded me was French and not Spanish, to which I retorted, at least he recognised it.
Back to the scissors though. He knew they couldn´t be lost or mislaid. He´d used them that evening to cut more chunks out of sponges. Sponges that had been bought that day. They were in the room.
He was wrong. They were in the bathroom. We are very tidy travellers. We clean up wherever we go. We hand our glasses back. We hand our cutlery back. We lick the plate clean. We are tidy.
The scissors as you have now guessed were in the bin. The only bin resides in the bathroom, and Inspector Cluedo, took Professor Plum and Miss Marples out on a blind date.
Talking of which, I dont.
So back to Stone 108. It was called “Oblivious” and the next stone (107) was passed as I sang ”High Land Hard Rain, goan, doon, knee, pain” the famous Aztec Camera Album which is probably on sale for buttons nowadays.
Talking of Roddy Frame, you cant forget “Pillar to Post”, or Pillar to Pillar as I erroneously described it in Deadbeat 25 years ago. Glad to hear Keith my co-conspirator in that darling fanzine of the early 80´s, has been embarrassed into donating – tell your friends KB!
When we interviewed Roddy, his Roadie came out with the infamous “its all Sex´n´Drugs´Sausage Rolls” when asked to describe life on the road. It was a location joke and unfortunately our budget never allowed photos in those days.
So that was 107 – a bit of a stiff downhill, but then we went around into Barbadelo. As we left the town headed up again, but at least, gently.
These stones were taking on a new meaning in my ever deteriorating head.
I´ll fill in the gaps later but the exciting numbers were
99 – “We´ve less than 100 to go Si!”, Caitlin was 7, but in the January I had visited Si in Boston for a 5 day session Superbowl and gambling session which was concentrated into a weekend as Icelandair left me in Reykjavik for 2 days. I loved Iceland! We managed to re-enact Snooker final 17-16 on pool table, do the horse racing at Suffolk downs, followed by the dogs at Wonderland, followed by Celtic beaating Saints 5-1, Liverpool beating Ipswich 8-1 followed by Superbowl. This guy had seriously gone through gambling withdrawal! We went through 3 changes of waitress and enjoyed the company of many´s the local Scot at Bad Abbots.
95 – I´m sure it was a Rugby World Cup year but all I remember is the Doctor who looked more like Jonah Lomu than Jonah Lomu. He was 9 feet 8 and had fingers like my arms. This man was to perform a vasectomy on me. There was a ladder I had to climb to get on his operating table as he was a 57 inch inside leg. As I am only 71 inches with a straight back this made it the equivalent of a pole vaulting contest, without the pole.
I remember it all vividly. There is a map of Edinburgh from the air on the ceiling on the Dean Clinic surgery rooms. When you´re lying on your back on 4 feet away from it, is easy to see your birth place.
It is easy to see where you were brought up. It is easy to see where you had moved to. It is easy to see where you now lived. It is easy to see where some Giant Ogre is poggling with your tweeses!
Ok, they give you an injection into each sphere that they´re going to tamper with.
Ok the injection doesn´t always work. Ok, when it feels like one of your teeth is connected to one of your toes and someone is trying to drag them closer. ARRRRGGGHHH!
Ok, so the right one wasn´t a wholesale success. The Jonah Lomu lookalike asked if I´d like another injection. He brought out what I would term a mini exocet and said this had a bit more beef. I suggested I was a vegetarian and asked him to continue while I did my 247 times table.
1 247 is 247, 2 247s is 494, 3 247s is 741, 4 247s is 988………43 247s is …….10 thousand 6 hundred and 21 – you´re finished´- YYYEESSSSSSSSSS!”
“Is 43 times 247 really 10621″ he asked
“I dont know, nor do I care, the left one didn´t hurt!”
And lo behold we arrived at stone no. 94 – we continued downhill but it was a lot more gentle than the maps suggested. I´ll leave the historical banter for later. 94 was a great year, and also a great age. There aren´t many people I know who reached that fine number but its becoming ever so popular.
When I saw the stone for 93 I smirked. Its a terrible embrrassement to be reminded that when ýour daughter was only 6 weeks old you nipped off to France for a weeks holiday with your Dad looking after the farm.
88 – as we left Portomarin with a full belly, we climbed a very stiff 1 in 5, with 1 in 3 in parts. We passed the stone marked 88 and as I looked at it I realised part of the reason we´re walking. The kids at CHAS should be allowed to live until they´re 88 like the rest of the “average” in the UK. They wont. I laid a stone on the top and moved on.
87 – much easier – the plan said it would be a steep downhill but it wasn´t. It was fairly level, a bit downhill. Si and I discussed work in 87 – He was at the Canongate Youth Project, I was in WoodMac.
86 – we continued along the flatter plain and life was becoming a breeze. Talking of when we were kids was passing the time and kilometres.
To be continued
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